A Woman's Desperation

I don't think I have ever met a woman that is not desperate. I don't mean the desperation that we feel because of circumstances, or because of the wounds that we have self-induced, or that have been inflicted by the will of others. It is a desperation that runs much deeper. It is the desperation of the soul. The poverty and brokenness of the soul that when examined deeply reveals the etchings of eternity.
Most of us are unaware of our desperation until God's grace allows us to awaken to its existance, and even then His grace gives us only a glimpse. This is a most scary leg of the journey at first. It is that place in which our good deeds and spiritual images seem to run shallow, veneering compulsions to pursue attention, admiration, and value. How is it this comes as such a suprise to one who knows "All have sinned"? Is it possible that somewhere along the way of this "critical journey" we are betrayed by our own thoughts and feelings? Is it possible that in our state of salvation we become arrogantly blind to our ongoing need for repentance and dependence upon Christ? Those who are competent and self-reliant are at greatest risk. We become fooled by our own capabilities, and blind to our own capacity to sin. Worse we forget the sweet taste of grace and mercy that we need for sustanance. We forget that we have been loved. We forget that we are loved.
We are desperate, no matter if we are aware or not. The real dilemma is not in the shame of the desperation, which many of us have learned. But, the real dilemma is where we take our desperation with futile hopes of it being satisfied, or at least alleviated.
How we must remember, our woundedness has been met with the kiss of mercy through Jesus. Only in the intimacy of His embrace, moment by moment, can our hopeless desperation have hope, and in this hope we can be secure. Thus, our desperation can be invited out of its hiding. We can celebrate our desperation and snicker at old ways of victimhood. We can allow Jesus to meet our desperation with a kiss of mercy over and over again, and perhaps be changed all of the more, and once again know we are loved.

Little Thoughts on Bigger Things (James 2: 1-13)

Dear Ones, as believers of our glourisous Lord Jesus Christ, don't play the games of the world, following the rules of the world, showing favortism to some, and prejudice to others. This way is not the way you were intended to live. This is the natural way, the usual way, but not the way of Christ. You are not to rate and grade humans, as though some are more valuable than others. Don't show favortism to those who benefit you (the rich, the powerful, pretty, popular, prestigious). Don't use people as soul-less objects, extending a shallow favortism to those who make you feel good, or make you look good. People are not a commodity used for your agenda! This favortism is really all about you. You are drawn to certain people, people just like you. You are drawn to putting "you" first by relating only in your comfort zone. Your favortism is no more than self promotion. When you favor some over others you are putting your own interests, wants, and reputation over the way of love! Life becomes all about you! Come now, let us be honest. You know the people that you are drawn to, the people you hope to impress and please. You know what you are seeking to gain by favoring these people catering to their wants and ways.



What about the others? What about those who irritate you? Repulse you? What about those who are messy? What about the immigrant or the mentally illed? What about the addict? How do you treat them? Do you treat them one way when noone is looking, and another way when others might see? Do you treat them one way when you can "serve" them as some hero, and impose your ways upon them? How would you treat them if they moved in next to you? How do you treat them when your child plays with their children? How do you treat them when they need a friend? Is it loving to place people as "less than" because they look different, speak different, believe different, or come from across the boarder? You with hold from these people, and strip them of dignity with your imposing preferences and laws, with your pity. You insulate your own self interests with your ways, and you distance yourself from your own poverty.



What is this game? These rules? This way of relating? This is not the way of love. Listen, you have things all mixed up! This way of putting the self first by self promoting or self protecting. This is not the way of Christ! God has chosen those who the world considers impoverished: the foreigner, the outcast, the marginalized, the disposable, the unwanted. He has chosen these people to be His. Don't you see, you who have been chosen? You were once poor, thus He chose you! Remember your poverty and your desperation for Jesus. Remember, we are now rich becasue of the lavishing love of Jesus! Remember, you are still desperate for Jesus!



You are getting caught up in the wrong things! You have forgotten the grace that Jesus has given you! You are playing the games of the world! Remember, "love your neighbor as yourself"! This is the way of life. You once impoverished, have been made rich because of Jesus! Out of this generous gift, you can love others! You, have been changed and filled with all sort of riches rooted in the love of the Father. Extend this love that has satisfied your poverty, to the impoverished lives of others. This is the way of love, a way rooted and sustained in Jesus, His grace and love for you. This is loving deeply, beyond shallow and flippant "acts of kindness." Christ in you. Christ through you. Taste deeply of the mercy you have been extended through Christ, and allow this mercy to move and motivate you to be merciful to the poor, just as mercy, grace and love have been and continue to be extended to you.

The Wilderness (pt. 1)

I love the beauties of nature: rainbows, fields of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, waterfalls, fresh green grass…but I just don’t like the wilderness.

Three months into marriage, my husband and I became “House Parents at a wilderness work camp in the deep woods of Ontario, Canada. Yes, the wilderness…with all of its beauty and wonder… and with all of its mosquitoes, black flies, black bears, and that which I am most afraid of…the field mouse. Augh. The wilderness.

When it comes to the wilderness…times of trials, darkness, loneliness, struggle, temptations…well, I don’t really like this kind of wilderness either. But, probably like most of you, I have had wilderness times throughout my life.

Several years ago I entered one of these wilderness times. I had been a follower of Jesus for a long time. I had trusted Jesus when I was six years old, however, many parts of my childhood, had never been talked about. My sense of identity was rooted mostly in my childhood relationships and their messages established early in life. A fear of abandonment taunted me even as a woman. The shame poisoned my sense of identity, with lingering messages such as: “you are too much” or “you will never be enough.” My view of God was severely tainted. Instead of a loving and gentle Father, I believed God to be harsh, distant, and demanding, and I the daughter who was never enough. Bitterness, even hatred loomed deep inside me, and seemed justifiable, yet I covered it with mask upon mask, and hoped that eventually I would be more than “saved from hell,” but also free. I did more. I served more. I pushed myself to be all that I could be as a wife, a mother, and a Christ follower. Then I entered the wilderness.

What has helped you press into your Father and root into His love during "Wilderness" times? Or perhaps you are seeking some encouragement because you find yourself in one of those times now. If so, the next couple of blogs I hope to share some of the things that helped me!

Looking forward to it! Blessings dear ones!