"What is REAL?"

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT by Margery Williams
“The Mechanical toys were very superior, and looked down upon everyone else; they were full of modern ideas and pretended they were real. The model boat, who had lived through two seasons and lost most of his paint, caught the tone from them and never missed an opportunity to refer to his rigging in technical terms… Even Timothy, the jointed wooden lion, who was made by the disabled soldiers and should have broader views, put on airs and pretended he was connected with Government. Between them all the poor little rabbit was made to feel very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him was the Skin Horse.”
“What is REAL?” asked the rabbit one day … “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When (Someone) loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with (you), but REALLY loves you, then you become real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit. “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are “Real” you don’t mind being hurt.” “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to those people who don’t understand.” (pages 15-17)

Inviting Man into His Strength

con't WOMAN, INVITING MAN INTO HIS STRENGTH

5. Leave the game playing to "Hasbro". Value men enough to speak clearly, directly, and honestly. If you aren't sure, than simply say that. Resist the temptation to read between the lines, search for codes, or speak in some sort of coded language hoping others will catch onto what you really mean, think or feel.

6. Unplug and plug-into the source. There is a temptation for woman to expect man to meet her deepest longings. Some expect man to name her, form her identity, deem her value, secure her present/future, and fix her past. No man can love you like that. Plug in to the Lover who can.

7. Keep him On the radar, but not the North Star! Men are not intended to set the course of your compass.
Fix your eyes upon your true Love, Jesus. Any and every man will fail you, just as you and every woman will fail man.


8. Know your stuff! Develop your beliefs and convictions. Know your own issues. Know your dreams, passions. Know what nourishes your soul and what doesn't. Know your weaknesses, your strengths, and your limits. Know your likes, dislikes, hopes, fears ...

9. Admit it... you aren't Superwoman. Don't deny your needs. Having needs does not make you "needy."Allow yourself to be known to Brothers that are safe, and receive their love.

10. Bounce back quickly.

11. Leave the thin skin to the reptiles.

12. Devote yourself to peace making (vs. peace keeping). Don't avoid conflict as a means of self preservation or fear of rejection. This is not peace making, but peace keeping. Making peace is a choice to live with integrity, to be true to personal convictions, and to engage differences, negotiations, and conflicts with peace as the end goal.

11. EXPECTATIONS + EXPERIENCE = SATISFACTION. Don't expect your strength to change man, but expect to be changed more and more by the power of your first love.
Daughter's of Eve, what are your thoughts? How do we as women invite men into their strength?

Inviting Man into His Strength

Do weak women yield stronger men?

Daughter's of Eve, probably all of you, married and single have encountered the awkwardness of an insecure man. This man may have resorted to methods of escape, disengagement, or the secrets of a hidden life. This man may monopolize, dominate, and control with rigidity. This man may live in the swamps of ambivalence. This man may wear a mask of arrogance or of fear and timidity. No matter the design of the external mask, behind each dwells a man in pain, desperate longing to be as God intended, a hero with a greater purpose.

How does woman respond to such encounters with man? Far too often insecure women react to insecure men with: "I am woman hear me roar...I will shout to prove my voice!" Other times it is the "wall flower response": "I cannot step it up, move forward, take intitiative, engage deeper, for the sake of man." (huh?) Are either of these responses woman's strength (or are these actually woman's excuses to shield her from her own fears)? Do either of these invite man into his strength? Is this the alliance God intended? Must woman fight against man to somehow make him step it up? Must woman demean and baby man so that he might feel good about himself with an artificial sense of security? Perhaps there is another response. Perhaps a response rooted in a deep love and a secure identity. A strength inviting a strength.

A few thoughts on how woman might invite man into his strength:

1. Be woman, and not man. Allow man to be man, and that is to be different! Far too often woman's efforts to be strong are no more than insecure pursuits to be like men. This does not invite man into his strength, nor is this the strength God intended for woman. Woman's expression of God's heart and God's image is unique to her and essential for the heart of man. Her beauty, a "quiet and gentle spirit" (IPeter 3:4) does not mean she is passive, docile, ignorant and voiceless. Her strength, is a strength originated with her Lord, and planted within. Her voice is purposed in the whispers of her Lord. Her strength is a soul that is well and at rest. Woman's strength is a hope, peace, and gentleness rooted in intimacy with her first love, the Creator, her Savior.

2. Be Safe. Do you really want men to open up and be transparent? Wives, do you really want your husbands to be open with you about their fears or their struggles? Do you ask, and then punish emotionally if the answer scares you? Be safe. Be incarnate. Choose to be a conduit of grace. How? Admit your inclination to judge, fix, deny, dismiss. Admit your tendencies to explode, withdraw, manipulate, or control. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Listen deeply to the truest questions, those lurking behind the white noise. Do not allow truth to escape your lips without the comrad of grace.

3. Remember "the log and the speck" principle. Before we take notice of the speck in our Brother's eye, take notice of the log in your's. We all have blind spots. Humbly cooperate with the Spirit to dissolve the logs in your eye, and remember anyone with a log in there eye is probably not going to see everything clearly. This humility invites man into his strength, a shared strength of Jesus' sufficient grace. Such humility drains woman's drive to be the "dripping faucet," picking, nagging, and judging.

4. Put the ledger and score card away! No one wins when we keep score of wrongs. Devote yourself to not be a record keeper, but a warrior for the quest of love. Keep short accounts with one another, allow love to cover the non essentials (which are more than we usually realize), and if you are unsure, check-in and ask.

More to come...What are your thoughts???