I love the beauties of nature: rainbows, fields of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, waterfalls, fresh green grass…but I just don’t like the wilderness.
Three months into marriage, my husband and I became “House Parents at a wilderness work camp in the deep woods of Ontario, Canada. Yes, the wilderness…with all of its beauty and wonder… and with all of its mosquitoes, black flies, black bears, and that which I am most afraid of…the field mouse. Augh. The wilderness.
When it comes to the wilderness…times of trials, darkness, loneliness, struggle, temptations…well, I don’t really like this kind of wilderness either. But, probably like most of you, I have had wilderness times throughout my life.
Several years ago I entered one of these wilderness times. I had been a follower of Jesus for a long time. I had trusted Jesus when I was six years old, however, many parts of my childhood, had never been talked about. My sense of identity was rooted mostly in my childhood relationships and their messages established early in life. A fear of abandonment taunted me even as a woman. The shame poisoned my sense of identity, with lingering messages such as: “you are too much” or “you will never be enough.” My view of God was severely tainted. Instead of a loving and gentle Father, I believed God to be harsh, distant, and demanding, and I the daughter who was never enough. Bitterness, even hatred loomed deep inside me, and seemed justifiable, yet I covered it with mask upon mask, and hoped that eventually I would be more than “saved from hell,” but also free. I did more. I served more. I pushed myself to be all that I could be as a wife, a mother, and a Christ follower. Then I entered the wilderness.
What has helped you press into your Father and root into His love during "Wilderness" times? Or perhaps you are seeking some encouragement because you find yourself in one of those times now. If so, the next couple of blogs I hope to share some of the things that helped me!
Looking forward to it! Blessings dear ones!
