Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"Unfriending" Fear

Fear.

She betrays me over and over again, yet for whatever reason I treat her as a friend.

Her "what if's" distract me.

Her presence has brought familiarity ... a known in the face of uncertainty.

A warped sense of security?

Fear ... and me.

Together, we have crafted masks of posing and cloaks of hiding.

Together, we have danced a motionless dance of paralysis, and sung songs of voicelessness.

Fear.

Her chants and jingles are mantras of "have to's," "oughts," and "musts."

Like old melodies rehearsed over and over again, their meaning fades from my attention, yet

all the more they impact me.

Fear.

Her words become my mission, they justify my cause:

"Play it safe!"

"Trust noone!"

Life with fear ... is not life at all.


Perfect Love.


The enemy to Fear.

Fear dreads Perfect Love, she avoids Him all together.

Perfect Love banishes Fear.

Perfect Love will not entertain Fear's antics.

Perfect Love will not give a moments time to her lies.

Perfect Love knows who Fear really is, and with Perfect Love ... there is no room for Fear.

So while I entertain Fear, simply because she is familiar... Perfect Love waits to come in.

Perhaps it is time to "unfriend" Fear, and make more room and time for more Perfect Love?

It is time to invite Perfect Love in ... again and again.

Oh, and by the way... I think I might do the same with Worry...she's been stabbing me in the

back lately.

Monday, September 5, 2011

A Woman's Desperation

I don't think I have ever met a woman that is not desperate. I don't mean the desperation that we feel because of circumstances, or because of the wounds that we have self-induced, or that have been inflicted by the will of others. It is a desperation that runs much deeper. It is the desperation of the soul. The poverty and brokenness of the soul that when examined deeply reveals the etchings of eternity.
Most of us are unaware of our desperation until God's grace allows us to awaken to its existance, and even then His grace gives us only a glimpse. This is a most scary leg of the journey at first. It is that place in which our good deeds and spiritual images seem to run shallow, veneering compulsions to pursue attention, admiration, and value. How is it this comes as such a suprise to one who knows "All have sinned"? Is it possible that somewhere along the way of this "critical journey" we are betrayed by our own thoughts and feelings? Is it possible that in our state of salvation we become arrogantly blind to our ongoing need for repentance and dependence upon Christ? Those who are competent and self-reliant are at greatest risk. We become fooled by our own capabilities, and blind to our own capacity to sin. Worse we forget the sweet taste of grace and mercy that we need for sustanance. We forget that we have been loved. We forget that we are loved.
We are desperate, no matter if we are aware or not. The real dilemma is not in the shame of the desperation, which many of us have learned. But, the real dilemma is where we take our desperation with futile hopes of it being satisfied, or at least alleviated.
How we must remember, our woundedness has been met with the kiss of mercy through Jesus. Only in the intimacy of His embrace, moment by moment, can our hopeless desperation have hope, and in this hope we can be secure. Thus, our desperation can be invited out of its hiding. We can celebrate our desperation and snicker at old ways of victimhood. We can allow Jesus to meet our desperation with a kiss of mercy over and over again, and perhaps be changed all of the more, and once again know we are loved.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Little Thoughts on Bigger Things (James 2: 1-13)

Dear Ones, as believers of our glourisous Lord Jesus Christ, don't play the games of the world, following the rules of the world, showing favortism to some, and prejudice to others. This way is not the way you were intended to live. This is the natural way, the usual way, but not the way of Christ. You are not to rate and grade humans, as though some are more valuable than others. Don't show favortism to those who benefit you (the rich, the powerful, pretty, popular, prestigious). Don't use people as soul-less objects, extending a shallow favortism to those who make you feel good, or make you look good. People are not a commodity used for your agenda! This favortism is really all about you. You are drawn to certain people, people just like you. You are drawn to putting "you" first by relating only in your comfort zone. Your favortism is no more than self promotion. When you favor some over others you are putting your own interests, wants, and reputation over the way of love! Life becomes all about you! Come now, let us be honest. You know the people that you are drawn to, the people you hope to impress and please. You know what you are seeking to gain by favoring these people catering to their wants and ways.



What about the others? What about those who irritate you? Repulse you? What about those who are messy? What about the immigrant or the mentally illed? What about the addict? How do you treat them? Do you treat them one way when noone is looking, and another way when others might see? Do you treat them one way when you can "serve" them as some hero, and impose your ways upon them? How would you treat them if they moved in next to you? How do you treat them when your child plays with their children? How do you treat them when they need a friend? Is it loving to place people as "less than" because they look different, speak different, believe different, or come from across the boarder? You with hold from these people, and strip them of dignity with your imposing preferences and laws, with your pity. You insulate your own self interests with your ways, and you distance yourself from your own poverty.



What is this game? These rules? This way of relating? This is not the way of love. Listen, you have things all mixed up! This way of putting the self first by self promoting or self protecting. This is not the way of Christ! God has chosen those who the world considers impoverished: the foreigner, the outcast, the marginalized, the disposable, the unwanted. He has chosen these people to be His. Don't you see, you who have been chosen? You were once poor, thus He chose you! Remember your poverty and your desperation for Jesus. Remember, we are now rich becasue of the lavishing love of Jesus! Remember, you are still desperate for Jesus!



You are getting caught up in the wrong things! You have forgotten the grace that Jesus has given you! You are playing the games of the world! Remember, "love your neighbor as yourself"! This is the way of life. You once impoverished, have been made rich because of Jesus! Out of this generous gift, you can love others! You, have been changed and filled with all sort of riches rooted in the love of the Father. Extend this love that has satisfied your poverty, to the impoverished lives of others. This is the way of love, a way rooted and sustained in Jesus, His grace and love for you. This is loving deeply, beyond shallow and flippant "acts of kindness." Christ in you. Christ through you. Taste deeply of the mercy you have been extended through Christ, and allow this mercy to move and motivate you to be merciful to the poor, just as mercy, grace and love have been and continue to be extended to you.














Friday, April 29, 2011

The Wilderness (pt. 1)

I love the beauties of nature: rainbows, fields of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, waterfalls, fresh green grass…but I just don’t like the wilderness.

Three months into marriage, my husband and I became “House Parents at a wilderness work camp in the deep woods of Ontario, Canada. Yes, the wilderness…with all of its beauty and wonder… and with all of its mosquitoes, black flies, black bears, and that which I am most afraid of…the field mouse. Augh. The wilderness.

When it comes to the wilderness…times of trials, darkness, loneliness, struggle, temptations…well, I don’t really like this kind of wilderness either. But, probably like most of you, I have had wilderness times throughout my life.

Several years ago I entered one of these wilderness times. I had been a follower of Jesus for a long time. I had trusted Jesus when I was six years old, however, many parts of my childhood, had never been talked about. My sense of identity was rooted mostly in my childhood relationships and their messages established early in life. A fear of abandonment taunted me even as a woman. The shame poisoned my sense of identity, with lingering messages such as: “you are too much” or “you will never be enough.” My view of God was severely tainted. Instead of a loving and gentle Father, I believed God to be harsh, distant, and demanding, and I the daughter who was never enough. Bitterness, even hatred loomed deep inside me, and seemed justifiable, yet I covered it with mask upon mask, and hoped that eventually I would be more than “saved from hell,” but also free. I did more. I served more. I pushed myself to be all that I could be as a wife, a mother, and a Christ follower. Then I entered the wilderness.

What has helped you press into your Father and root into His love during "Wilderness" times? Or perhaps you are seeking some encouragement because you find yourself in one of those times now. If so, the next couple of blogs I hope to share some of the things that helped me!

Looking forward to it! Blessings dear ones!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hope

Have you ever found yourself asking "Why?" or "Why me?" This little phrase has been one I have uttered, shouted, and cried far too many times. Of course this phrase doesn't usually come to my lips at times of great undeserved grace or blessing. It doesn't come to mind when I am granted forgiveness or lavished with love. No, but it does arrive at times of pain, disappointment, and struggle. It seems such times are its stage. When the stage is set the little words dance and taunt me into doubt and disbelief. Have you ever been there?

When we first moved for my husband to begin attending seminary, we were filled with excitement and anticipation. We had sold most of our things, said good bye to dear friends, and were ready to walk the road of adventure. The first several months we found ourselves "jobless." My husband applied endlessly, day after day, only to receive rejection after rejection. While sitting in the office of the Department of Social Services, waiting for hours to apply for assistance, I asked "Why?" I was confused by "the Lord's lack of provision" and the perceived penalization for serving Him. It just didn't make sense to me. I was always taught, or at least believed, obedience leads to blessing. This was not blessing! I wrestled with feeling inadequate and forgotten. The voices of my childhood that condemned and shamed government assistance came to the forefront of my mind, and I found myself quicly sliding into a pit of hopelessness.

Years later, my perspective has changed to be a little clearer. Even that place of struggle was where I was meant to be, and within the struggle was a greater work happening, a work of freedom and redemption. Just as a dear brother once said, instead of "Why?" maybe there is a different question to be asked..."What? What is it you want to teach me Lord? What is it you want to do in me? Through me?" Slowly I am learning, indeed my God uses all things and where I am is no mere accident. Those things that most came to mind during that season were long lasting lies, even generational lies. That "desert time" drew out and exposed beliefs from the deeper parts of my heart and mind, beliefs that enslaved me.

Dear sisters I Pray that even "here", wherever "here" is, you, dear sister might find peace and comfort in the knowing our Father is not about to drop you, has not forgotten you, nor is too busy...but even in "this", He is working a good work in you.
Blessings.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

God's whisper to Self-Hate

As a little girl I often prayed a prayer that went something like this: "God, please make people see me different from who I am." I prayed this prayer because I wanted to be seen and known by people, but I did not want people to see and know me as I knew myself. I saw myself as "bad." I believed I was defined by what others had spoken over me, or by their silence. I believed that the lack of affection and blessing I experienced was because of my lack of, or my too much-ness, or my not enough. I interpreted myself to be unwanted, disposable, defective, and at fault for the actions of others. My self-perception fueled my self-hate. God did answer my prayer, but not as I anticipated. He did give eyes to others to see me differently. Eyes to see me not as I saw, but to see me as He sees me.

How do you see yourself Beloved? Is your view true? When did you first learn these things?

We all carry messages and voices of the past within our minds and our hearts. No matter how long they have been around; no matter how often we have rehearsed them; and no matter how much they have been reinforced by others or circumstances ... many of these messages are lies. They speak about you ... but they are not true. Many of those voices are not the voice of our Father.

Who does your Father say you are? Not your earthly father... no, your Father who sees your heart and truly knows you.

Dear Daughter of Eve,
I have ransomed you because you are a treasure. I paid the the demand in full and beyond. I have made the way to unleash you from all that imprisoned you. All that you once owed ... I paid. I paid for the past, the present, and that which is to come. I stepped in and served your sentence for all that brought you guilt, so that you might be free. All that has been credited to me is yours. No longer are you a slave, desperate to pay your debt. No longer are you a slave defined by your debt. You are mine. You are my daughter and I, your Daddy. Your soul is clothed in the lace of a bride, pure and clean. Your body is like a temple, the place I have swept clean so that I might live. Within you I live and I continue my masterpiece upon your soul, heart, and mind not because of you, but because I am faithful. And because of who I am, you are full of power and strength. Yes, even in your weakness, I am there, ready to reveal a beauty beyond imagination ... my glory in you and through you.

Beloved, I am your Father who sees you, and knows your true name. I am your Father who formed you and delights in you. I formed you so that I might love on you and that you might know me more and more. I knit you together with dreams in mind, puposes of beauty and life. I do not change my mind when you are weak, trip, fall, or doubt. No, I am faithful, even if you are not. I wait for you. I pursue you. I knock again and again. I will not hide from you. I will not shame and condemn you. I long for you to be free and to be with me as I am with you.

I first loved you and I will love you first again and again.
Your Father.