Missing the Mark ... Breaking the Boxes

Have you ever withheld your thoughts, your honest emotions, your true state of being? Have you ever withdrawn and rationalized yourself out of offering or serving? Did you think, "What if people think ... (fill in the blank)" or "No, it won't come out right" or "What if my motives are off?" "It's too much" or "It isn't enough." So you resign yourself to silence and inactivity. You ambivalently agree to not make an impression, a God impression; to not bring light to darkness; to not bring life to death...just in case it isn't quite up to parr.

Honestly, I am embaressed at how many times I have shy-ed away for these very reasons. My top reason is connected to my insecurity. I suppose my insecurity is my excuse. I think, "Surely my thoughts will come out all jumbled, incomprehensible, and full of emotion. I will look like a fool. I might even cry. My thoughts will never meet the standards..." or "No, this is not a safe place. What I share will not be accepted...I might be criticized or rejected." Sadly to say, I have submitted to my excuses and prized safety and image preservation over and over again.

Jesus reminds me that following the standards of others is not the goal, and that He indeed does take our small loaves and multiply them in their potency. Jesus faced the dilemma of not following the rules and not meeting the standard (man's standard). In fact, Jesus intentionally arroused the dilema. Throughout his life and loving of others, Jesus was criticized and rejected. In Mark 3, Jesus is described as healing a man on the Sabbath. This was a big "no, no" in the eyes of the Pharisees...the "Super Jews" who were known for keeping score cards and tallies of all rights and wrongs of others. Jesus did not shy away or resist the opportunity to love no matter what adversity.  Okay, so it is easy to say..."yeah but that's Jesus and He always gave perfectly"...Okay, what about the little boy with fish and loaves? A little bit of nothing to offer, for the hunger of thousands of people. He could have said "this will never do...this will never be enough" but instead he offered the little he had...the meager little bit, and Jesus multiplied. Maybe this is what it is to be like a little child, offering even if it seems ridiculous!

What about Paul...talk about one with a messy past!!! Here's the guy who wrote most of the New Testament..."the chief of sinners!" a murderer of Christians...the guy who held the coats of the murderers of Stephen, a devoted follower and martyr for Christ!! Following his conversion, Paul could have held onto and hid in shame. He could have said: "well, I can't really offer much. Who am I? I have way too messy of a past, and it is constantly dripping into my present..." Paul's past did drip into his present...it made him who he was...a man of weakness, one who knew God's grace to be enough! Should we go on? What about Rahab...gosh, a prostitute... a prostitute who models Jesus' act of salvation (and she wasn't a "recovered" prostitute either!) This is the woman mentioned in the geneology of Jesus. A distant relative to Christ...a prostitute, the mother of Boaz (who models Jesus as redeemer!) who marries Ruth (who models Jesus' devotion and tender care), the foreign widow with nothing!! Seems to me, God is into people who offer messily, undone, and sometimes meager crumbs! Seems to me He shows Himself off through such people!
Hmmm...why do you resist loving? Why do you hold back? Why do you withdraw? Why have you resigned yourself to the sideline? Why are you convinced lukewarm tastes good? Why is it that you believe some have the ability to offer and give for God's glory...but not you?? Don't you know the very same Holy Spirit lives in you? How long will you withhold your story (the brokenness, the redemption)? How long will you not comment, not touch the lives of others, not know the hearts of others, and not be known? How long will you resist from blooming into the woman you were created to be? It is what your heart desires, yet you turn away.

Sisters, everyone of you has a place, and everyone of you has much to offer. There is more to your life than those fears. We all know those fears. We all know those insecurities. Even the prettiest and most put together of us. We are made of the same stuff, and the same stuff corses through our veins! Maybe you feel stuck, and shame seems to be all that you know. Maybe the fear and insecurity seem to sewn so deep into the fabric of who you are that it seems hopeless. Maybe you don't care anymore. What is it? Don't settle, don't wait. Don't wait until "you're ready"...you know how that goes...you will never be ready, but you can be faithful! Listen to your Father...He knows your heart. He knows your fears. He knows what you were made for, and He will lead you in this way. He will make it happen.

Jesus loved others radically. He gave to others knowing it did not fit into the standards and boxes of the Pharisees. He gave and loved in ways that busted the walls of their boxes. Praying that we may love and offer ourselves, our stories, and Christ in us and through us to others in radical ways.Messy and undone! Perhaps emotional or odd! Who knows how our Lord will multiply it!

Love you!
Your sister, with you, one who was made to be a radical lover of Christ and others, and one who is being formed, so that it is so!
april