Noticed

"Please make me invisible. Please let them see me different from who I am."

As a little girl this was a daily request that I prayed to God. I had learned to believe that who I was was dreadful, shameful, and the cause of rejection and abuse. I learned to fade away in the background of an argument and I learned to stifle my voice so that I might not inconvenience anyone, or that I might not stir rage. To be noticed seemed a punishment and to be hidden seemed safe.

As a young woman I yearned to be noticed. I yearned to be noticed and pursued. I watched as other women were noticed and treasured (more likely googled), and I learned to believe that to be noticed by a man might deem me precious, valuable, and worthy.

Hagar, whose personal story often goes unnoticed, was a woman of long ago who might have felt this way. Did she resent the fact that she was noticed by her master and mistress? Anytime Sarah took notice of Hagar and her growing belly there was rejection, insult, punishment and shame. The tension peaked when Hagar was discarded with her son, from the only home they knew. When all seemed hopeless, Hagar was noticed. God took notice of Hagar (a servant and foreigner), and responded to her cry with a hope and a blessing. There was no more hiding for Hagar, to be noticed was to find hope. God took notice of Hagar and her voice is finally expressed and heard. She boldly names God, "the God who sees."

God sees me. God sees you. He does not merely glance and move on. He takes notice. Perhaps, like Hagar you feel used up, or discarded. Perhaps the compulsion to hide from God overwhelms you when you "lose it" again or when you "give in" another time. Maybe you have grown to believe that hiding is where safety and security is found. Perhaps you have settled for the notice of yet another man, hoping that maybe this time you will finally feel whole. God notices you. This is why he began His grace work with Jesus. He continues to notice you, and this is why He is faithful to working this grace through and through you. 

It is only in the secure place of God's sight can we find the things we most hunger for, to be precious, valuable and worthy. He sees you.