Jesus, A Powerful Man Worth Trusting

Matthew 3:

Humility-  Jesus allows and asks John the Baptist to Baptize him. How intimidating, and John knows it. He is invited to baptized the God-Man, Jesus. Baptism is an act that signifies one's choice of repentance, belief and submission to God. Jesus had nothing to repent of! Yet Jesus does this to “fulfill all righteousness.” John has been “calling out in the wilderness,” preparing the way. He has spoken of Jesus as “the one whose sandals I am not fit to carry … one more powerful than I” (Matt 3:11). Jesus has a power that exceeds any power of man, inf act any power of man is rooted in the power of Jesus, yet time and time again Jesus chooses not to lord his power and strength over others for self serving or self promoting purposes. Jesus does not usurp his power to prove himself. He does not need his power to be displayed in order to somehow feel good about himself or secure. Instead of displaying his power like some sort of peacock, He positions himself under the leadership and guidance of others, and at times those closest to him question if he is the Messiah at all. His brothers tell him to step it up and his closest friends expect him to start a revolution, but instead Jesus takes all of our preconceived ideas about power and strength and turns them on their head!

Jesus never uses his authority (which he has all authority and all power) in an abusive manner. He does not shame others with his all powerful words. He does not force others to follow him, but he invites them/us. Jesus does not manipulate or control. He does not prey upon the weak and vulnerable, but instead he boasts about them and makes a place for them. He even positions himself in a place to receive from them, deeming a dignity upon them (Jn 4)!

Jesus’ use of power is not sporadic and emotionally compulsive or impulsive. He does not “stone wall,” rage, stuff, or pop with his power. His power is singularly focused and untainted from sin. His withdrawing of his power and display of power is with intentionality and strategy. He aligns his power to the Father’s will and plan, and never veers from this. His power serves the purposes of the Father. We see this throughout Jesus’ life. Jesus’ primary purpose was to live a pure and holy earthly life (which gives us an example to follow) to come to the cross, displaying the extravagant love of the Father, and providing the means by which we might be ransomed from our slavery and united to God forever. Jesus' power brought hope to the world! When Jesus used his power to heal, multiply fish, penetrate a woman’s defenses, raise a man from the dead, etc. Jesus was using his power to boast of God, meet a heart need, and invite others (and us through the reading of the Bible) to faith and relationship with Him.

Afraid to get close to a man with great power? Afraid of power? You know what it is like for power to be corrupt and abusive? Perhaps, connecting to Jesus, a man, God-man, feels vulnerable, even scary. Perhaps allowing Jesus to “touch” your heart does not sound wonderful at all! Don’t worry you are not alone, and Jesus is patient with you, however don’t allow the hurts of your past to steal from the love that he has for you (they have stolen enough already, haven’t they?). One small step … look, share with one trusted Christ follower: your fears, hesitations, doubts, uncertainties, and allow them to share just a taste of who Jesus is with you. You will be amazed, there is no man like Him!

Never "Too Much"

Are you feeling like you are "too much" or you have gone too far in your sin to be redeemed, changed, healed, made whole, and used to bring life and good? Listen, you aren't the only one!

Rahab was truly an unlikely candidate to be bragged about. She was a prostitute. She was a prostitute whose unexplainable faith and actions were displayed through her risk to hide the spies, and go against the grain of normal human instinct of self-protection and hiding; and to go against the grain of her culture, to lash out when threatened. What gave her the strength and insight? Did she gain this somehow through her loss, desperation, and life of prostitution? I can only surmise, that a God so extravagant with grace, extended to her small seeds of grace, awakening her of hope and inviting her into opportunity for life. And she seized them!

How did she become a prostitute? Was she barren? Orphaned? We don’t know her history, but what we do know is that despite of where she was, what sin she was caught up in, she risked. She probably had no idea how her actions (rooted in a faith that she did not fully realize ... if any of us ever really do?) would change her life and change the direction of her legacy!!! (Becoming Boaz’s grandma, and King David’s great-grandma!, who made the way for Jesus, the Savior!) Night after night of feeling shame, emptiness, discarded, and used up, do you think she had hope and dreams for herself? God did!

This woman would be considered a stain to one’s lineage by some, but God names her in Jesus’ lineage (Matthew 1), which is completely counter-culture at that time! She is valued. Her place in the story is emphasized, not dismissed! No matter where you have been, and no matter where you are, you are not too much for Jesus. You, your place, your role, all that you are, He values. Are you willing to risk and awaken to His grace and love for you? (How? Go against the grain ... what you normally might do, rely on yourself, try something new!) I wonder what dreams and plans He has for you? Your intended legacy and impact might surprise you!

Pressing hard After HIS Heart: Dissolving Shame

Pressing hard After HIS Heart: Dissolving Shame: "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth (Jesus) in the inner parts of you ...

Dissolving Shame

"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth (Jesus) in the inner parts of you teach me wisdom in the inmost place" (Psalm 51:5-6)

I have often assumed that the origin of my sense of shame was birthed out of personal experiences of abandonment, rejection, abuse, isolation, loss, etc. The mantras of shame ("I am worthless, I am bad, I am damaged, etc.") run like a subtitle throughout these stories. However, the meanings in these mantras of shame merely reinforced the already existing sense of shame within me. Shame has roots that run deeper, beyond my own story, and your own story. Their roots connect us to the stories of our parents, our grand-parents, all of humanity, and ultimately to our distant family of Eden. The place where shame began. The place where shame became a part of our DNA.

From the moment that I took my very first breath. Yes, shame shared my birthday. On that day I breathed physical life. On that day spiritual death began to spread its decay in me, through me, around me, and with it came the beginnings of shame. A sense of brokenness and the drive to cover, hide, and pretend was already within me and has grown with every sin and act of brokenness that I have done, seen, and experienced. With each day shame battles with the glory of the image of God reflected in each of us, attempting to further distance us from who we were intended to be and whose we were intended to be. 

Although shame is ancient, God's grace cunningly took its place of supremacy, first. God's grace moved like a pen intricately hand writing eternity's story, the story of deep personal and secure relationship with Him upon the heart of every woman and man. This story moves us to look past shame, even for a moment, to get a glimpse of an image of His glory in us-- we long to be good and to have something good to share and offer to others. Shame quickly pipes up with its persuasive mantras. Yet, this story moves us to admit, perhaps secretively and only for a moment, our soul longings and deepest desires, to be changed and weighted by a glory. It is a discontent of sorts, desiring for what we were intended for.

Shame's enemy #1:  Jesus. All that He was and is are offered to be ours. All that is credited to Him is extended to us. His holiness is a covering extended to us as a blanket to cover and change our hearts, minds, and souls. All that fueled our shame, He waits for us to give to Him. He doesn't wince or turn in disgust. He doesn't wag His finger, shake His head, or cut us off with "No, you are too much." He embraces us and whispers, "My power is made perfect in your weakness ...", "I came for the sick," "I make you new."

 Shame's enemy #2: The Holy Spirit. The Spirit intimately takes residence in us, as if to say, "I want to live here ... I choose to reside here... will you invite me?" He relentlessly, yet tenderly chisels, molds, and forms us, changing us, comforting us, leading us, whispering to us, praying for us. He befriends us and is with us, not tomorrow in heaven, but in this very moment. And as He is "with us" we slowly become aware of His extravagant love and we slowly receive His extravagant love, and we slowly believe His love over our shame.

Shame's enemy #3: The Bible. The Bible, God's very breath filled words, has a potency that intimidates the words of shame. The words in the Bible remind us what is real, who we are and who God is ... no matter what we may feel. The Bible reminds us that our story is not an empty isolated and random event, but is intricately timed and purposed. The Bible reminds us, our story is not our's alone. The Bible reminds us that through our stories runs His story which trumps any subtitle of shame! The Bible's stories remind us of our deepest longings, and of God's tenacious grace that reaches to and beyond them. 

Shame's enemy #4: The Church Community. The Community has the privilege and responsibility to be conduits of grace for one another. The Community provides brothers and sisters to replay and redo relationships that once brought wounds with mantras of shame, to be relationships that bring the healing hope of redemption. The Community has the privilege to be a safe place where stories of shame (and celebration) are told and met with the healing balm and comfort of grace, hope and love. The Community has the privilege and responsibility to bring truth to the debilitating lies of shame that litter our stories. The Community has the ability to guard one another from the damage of isolation (which only fuels the power of shame) and deem a value on one another that builds a deep love and interdependence. The Community has the ability to dissolve shame for one another little by little, while displaying the power of God at work to a desperate, broken, sin-stained, shame debilitating world.

This is the greater glory that surpasses the image of God within each of us individually, and this is the beginning of dissolution of shame within me, and you. What hope we have. Remind me as I remind you. Let's encourage one another. Let's risk it together.

Missing the Mark ... Breaking the Boxes

Have you ever withheld your thoughts, your honest emotions, your true state of being? Have you ever withdrawn and rationalized yourself out of offering or serving? Did you think, "What if people think ... (fill in the blank)" or "No, it won't come out right" or "What if my motives are off?" "It's too much" or "It isn't enough." So you resign yourself to silence and inactivity. You ambivalently agree to not make an impression, a God impression; to not bring light to darkness; to not bring life to death...just in case it isn't quite up to parr.

Honestly, I am embaressed at how many times I have shy-ed away for these very reasons. My top reason is connected to my insecurity. I suppose my insecurity is my excuse. I think, "Surely my thoughts will come out all jumbled, incomprehensible, and full of emotion. I will look like a fool. I might even cry. My thoughts will never meet the standards..." or "No, this is not a safe place. What I share will not be accepted...I might be criticized or rejected." Sadly to say, I have submitted to my excuses and prized safety and image preservation over and over again.

Jesus reminds me that following the standards of others is not the goal, and that He indeed does take our small loaves and multiply them in their potency. Jesus faced the dilemma of not following the rules and not meeting the standard (man's standard). In fact, Jesus intentionally arroused the dilema. Throughout his life and loving of others, Jesus was criticized and rejected. In Mark 3, Jesus is described as healing a man on the Sabbath. This was a big "no, no" in the eyes of the Pharisees...the "Super Jews" who were known for keeping score cards and tallies of all rights and wrongs of others. Jesus did not shy away or resist the opportunity to love no matter what adversity.  Okay, so it is easy to say..."yeah but that's Jesus and He always gave perfectly"...Okay, what about the little boy with fish and loaves? A little bit of nothing to offer, for the hunger of thousands of people. He could have said "this will never do...this will never be enough" but instead he offered the little he had...the meager little bit, and Jesus multiplied. Maybe this is what it is to be like a little child, offering even if it seems ridiculous!

What about Paul...talk about one with a messy past!!! Here's the guy who wrote most of the New Testament..."the chief of sinners!" a murderer of Christians...the guy who held the coats of the murderers of Stephen, a devoted follower and martyr for Christ!! Following his conversion, Paul could have held onto and hid in shame. He could have said: "well, I can't really offer much. Who am I? I have way too messy of a past, and it is constantly dripping into my present..." Paul's past did drip into his present...it made him who he was...a man of weakness, one who knew God's grace to be enough! Should we go on? What about Rahab...gosh, a prostitute... a prostitute who models Jesus' act of salvation (and she wasn't a "recovered" prostitute either!) This is the woman mentioned in the geneology of Jesus. A distant relative to Christ...a prostitute, the mother of Boaz (who models Jesus as redeemer!) who marries Ruth (who models Jesus' devotion and tender care), the foreign widow with nothing!! Seems to me, God is into people who offer messily, undone, and sometimes meager crumbs! Seems to me He shows Himself off through such people!
Hmmm...why do you resist loving? Why do you hold back? Why do you withdraw? Why have you resigned yourself to the sideline? Why are you convinced lukewarm tastes good? Why is it that you believe some have the ability to offer and give for God's glory...but not you?? Don't you know the very same Holy Spirit lives in you? How long will you withhold your story (the brokenness, the redemption)? How long will you not comment, not touch the lives of others, not know the hearts of others, and not be known? How long will you resist from blooming into the woman you were created to be? It is what your heart desires, yet you turn away.

Sisters, everyone of you has a place, and everyone of you has much to offer. There is more to your life than those fears. We all know those fears. We all know those insecurities. Even the prettiest and most put together of us. We are made of the same stuff, and the same stuff corses through our veins! Maybe you feel stuck, and shame seems to be all that you know. Maybe the fear and insecurity seem to sewn so deep into the fabric of who you are that it seems hopeless. Maybe you don't care anymore. What is it? Don't settle, don't wait. Don't wait until "you're ready"...you know how that goes...you will never be ready, but you can be faithful! Listen to your Father...He knows your heart. He knows your fears. He knows what you were made for, and He will lead you in this way. He will make it happen.

Jesus loved others radically. He gave to others knowing it did not fit into the standards and boxes of the Pharisees. He gave and loved in ways that busted the walls of their boxes. Praying that we may love and offer ourselves, our stories, and Christ in us and through us to others in radical ways.Messy and undone! Perhaps emotional or odd! Who knows how our Lord will multiply it!

Love you!
Your sister, with you, one who was made to be a radical lover of Christ and others, and one who is being formed, so that it is so!
april 

The Way of Love

"I don't like hazelnut creamer."

My husband looked flabbergasted. He was speechless. After a long pause he said, "What? How could you not like hazelnut creamer after I have been making your coffee with it for the last 8 years? Why didn't you say anything?"

You can only imagine John's confusion. Why would I hold out on such a thing?? The truth be told I was clueless as to what I liked and what I disliked. I didn't really pay much attention to it, and when I did I felt guilty or convinced myself that it didn't matter, or shouldn't matter.

When I was a little girl I played with a sweet girl, Jennifer who lived up the hill from our small trailer. One night I was visiting her family for dinner. Her father asked me what I would like, and if I would want more. My reply, "I don't care. It doesn't matter."  

I hate to admit the insatiable insecurity I have wrestled with for most of my life. I would love to say that my knees never locked in front of a crowd, my voice never quivered, mole hills didn't grow into mountains, and my mind was always free of fear ... but this would be a lie. For most of my life I created a rating system for myself, and I strove for standards that were ridiculous. For most of my life I believed myself a failure even before I tried, and I would give up on tasks that seemed fated to end in failure. For most of my life I have been tempted to deny my flaws, hide them, or hide myself because of them. You see, although I trusted and believed in Jesus as my Savior as a little 6 year old girl, His acceptance and love for me seemed to be a fantasy. I believed others to be "Princesses and daughter's of the King." I longed for this to be true for me, but I believed myself to be a step-daughter, tolerated because that's what God does. He had to love me.

The truth is God does not promise that He will merely tolerate you or me. There aren't first rate Christ-followers somehow getting His attention and favor, and then ... the rest of us. It is so easy to form these kind of deep core beliefs out of our personal experiences and interactions with others. Abandonment, abuse, rejection, betrayal, marginalization, deception, etc. ... these experiences and others often seem to be what proves our beliefs that either God does not love us as He says, or that there must be something incredibly wrong with us to keep His love away.

These beliefs form deep insecurity, shame, loneliness. They fuel our addictions and compulsions to hide, strive, numb, please, pretend, preform. This is not the way of freedom. This is not the way of life or love. 

So how do we live, and live abundantly in a broken world, and with the wounds of life? The scariest first step is we allow our wounds to breathe. Even the wounds we have inflicted upon ourselves and others. We bring them to the light cautiously and carefully to someone safe, and to Jesus. We allow our stories to be heard (thus those of us who know grace must be safe and allow the stories to be told). If needed, we allow the poison to be drained as the emotions surge as if it just happened.  We allow others to see us for who we really are, and we allow them to treat us differently, not as we have treated ourselves, neglecting and isolating, but as Jesus treats us, with dignity, grace, and love. 

Like a balm, the Spirit pours a new strength into us. It doesn't erase our wounds and all of their effects but His strength works through our wounds and weaknesses. Slowly we learn what our hearts need, and we do for ourselves what no one can do for us. No one can renew our minds for us. No one can take our thoughts captive and replace them with truth for us. No one can turn us away from our sins of choice. No one can "put off, put on" for us. And so we begin to choose, versus react. We stumble. We trip. We may take two steps forward, one step back, but He doesn't leave and He doesn't give up. He continues to work in us and through us, giving us what we need to live as He intended, the way of life and love.

In our new strength, in which our weaknesses are now His assets, we learn to gaze into the mirror of scripture that reveals to us the image we were created in. We choose to sit in the presence of the One who redeems this image we bear that has been marred, warped, and tainted by sin. We learn the difference between the voices of our past, our condemning voice, and His whisper. We pause and listen. We begin to believe what He says over the old way. We choose to risk, and we open up to spiritual friends who reinforce the truth of who we are ... Worthy, and as we become more and more free from our self-preoccupation we begin to do the same for them. We begin to believe the truth and we begin to actively participate in the way of love.

Pressing hard After HIS Heart: Noticed"Please make me invisible. Please let them ...

Pressing hard After HIS Heart: Noticed"Please make me invisible. Please let them ...: Noticed "Please make me invisible. Please let them see me different from who I am." As a little girl this was a daily reque...

Noticed

"Please make me invisible. Please let them see me different from who I am."

As a little girl this was a daily request that I prayed to God. I had learned to believe that who I was was dreadful, shameful, and the cause of rejection and abuse. I learned to fade away in the background of an argument and I learned to stifle my voice so that I might not inconvenience anyone, or that I might not stir rage. To be noticed seemed a punishment and to be hidden seemed safe.

As a young woman I yearned to be noticed. I yearned to be noticed and pursued. I watched as other women were noticed and treasured (more likely googled), and I learned to believe that to be noticed by a man might deem me precious, valuable, and worthy.

Hagar, whose personal story often goes unnoticed, was a woman of long ago who might have felt this way. Did she resent the fact that she was noticed by her master and mistress? Anytime Sarah took notice of Hagar and her growing belly there was rejection, insult, punishment and shame. The tension peaked when Hagar was discarded with her son, from the only home they knew. When all seemed hopeless, Hagar was noticed. God took notice of Hagar (a servant and foreigner), and responded to her cry with a hope and a blessing. There was no more hiding for Hagar, to be noticed was to find hope. God took notice of Hagar and her voice is finally expressed and heard. She boldly names God, "the God who sees."

God sees me. God sees you. He does not merely glance and move on. He takes notice. Perhaps, like Hagar you feel used up, or discarded. Perhaps the compulsion to hide from God overwhelms you when you "lose it" again or when you "give in" another time. Maybe you have grown to believe that hiding is where safety and security is found. Perhaps you have settled for the notice of yet another man, hoping that maybe this time you will finally feel whole. God notices you. This is why he began His grace work with Jesus. He continues to notice you, and this is why He is faithful to working this grace through and through you. 

It is only in the secure place of God's sight can we find the things we most hunger for, to be precious, valuable and worthy. He sees you. 

                                      A Gift Worth Receiving

Every Christmas we have a tradition of taking turns opening our gifts. My children eagerly wait to unwrap their gifts, and at times they sneak peeks! They try to take an interest in the gifts others are opening. All along they are secretly poking holes in the wrapping, bending and shaking the mysterious packages, attempting to guess what lies beneath the paper. What could it be? Then finally it is their turn and the wrapping is torn to shreds as they satisfy their curiosity. 

There is something especially delightful in that gift that tells you "I know you. I see you, and this is just right for you." I happen to be a terrible gift giver. I shop. I look, but I don't seem to find. I become discouraged in my search, hoping to find something extra special and with lots of "wow factor." I have a friend who is a great gift giver. She seems to find the perfect little trinkets that just fit the occasion and the individual. Her gifts are timely, personal, and uniquely special.

That's how God is. He gives us exactly what we need. Timely, personal, and uniquely special. He knows us through and through (warts and all) even better than we know ourselves! He knows our inner thoughts, our fears, our hopes, our hang ups. None of it phases Him and none of it is too much. Instead of turning away in disappointment or disgust, He opens His arms and continues on giving. It is pricey ... but He has already paid!

When we feel insignificant or purposeless, He calls us treasure, masterpiece, (Deut. 26:18; Eph. 2:8-10; 2Cor. 6:18). When we fail, He gives us more and more grace to remind us our failings do not take away from anything He has given, nor does it damage His love for us (Romans 8:35; 2Cor. 12:9). We are lavished with every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1). When we wander away, He pursues and/or He waits ready to welcome us home to His embrace (Lk.15). He knows when we need kindness to bring us home (Romans 2:4). He knows when we need discipline for correction and/or growth (Hebrews 12:6-11). He knows our every need. He is the God who sees you and me (Genesis 16:13).

Not only does He give us what we need, He is a gift that keeps on giving. A gift that we are invited to unwrap to discover more to unwrap again. He is a gift we must  learn to receive over again and again. His grace. His acceptance. His hope. His power. His strength. His heart. His vision. How are we at receiving such a gift? How are we at unwrapping? Do we hold a gift and forget to explore and unwrap? Do we set Him aside for later? Do we pick up lesser gifts and convince ourselves they just might be better? Do we resist receiving out of fear there may be strings? Do we resist receiving because we are too busy grasping at other things? Performing? Achieving?

Above all else, it isn't what we get from Him, but how much more He gives of Himself to us. Daily. He longs to lavish us with love. He waits for us to receive again and again. He's ready (He didn't need us to drop hints or text Him) but maybe it is us who need a hint? 

I want to be a better receiver. I want to delight in Him more, to anticipate something fresh and new about Him under the wrapper. I long to peek and anticipate His mystery. I long to be surprised again and again by who He is and how He knows me and loves me. He is the gift that keeps on giving, and He is the gift more than worth re-gifting!

Suffering ~ Dedicated to my friend, Wendi

No suffering is invited, at least not on the front end. Yet, like an intruder, she comes in. She pulls out rugs right from underneath us. She punches us in the stomach, taking our breath away for a moment that seems like eternity. She trips us up, shattering our hopes and dreams.
"Suffering" wreaks havoc in us and around us. Her taunts bait old lies of blame, shame, and accusation. She brings with her ingredients for hopelessness, bitterness, despair, disillusionment ... "Suffering," she brings with her a string of questions, yet no answers.
It seems that you, "Suffering," are here to stay. I cannot snuff you out. I cannot control enough, avoid enough, hide enough, bargain enough to keep you away...thus, "Suffering," come closer, and meet "Redemption."
"Redemption"enters the scene unsuspectedly, in the most ordinary ways (God in the womb of an impoverished simple girl). She quietly whispers invitations to deeper faith. "Redemption"does not respond to my demands for explanation or alleviation of "Suffering." She does not obey my calendar and schedule, but follows perfect timing.
"Redemption" mysteriously dances to the beat of a greater song. She curiously threads simple and ordinary stories, those exploited by "Suffering," into a greater story...the greatest story. "Redemption" paces herself to the rhythm of the wind and the breath of the Spirit. She intricately weaves the frayed, stained, worn out pieces of our lives, into a story that brings new meaning... Hope.
I don't know when "Redemption" will overpower "Suffering." I don't know when "Redemption" will shout "Victory!"... or perhaps I don't know when I will hear. I only know "Redemption" will win in the end.
"Suffering," you are here, but please beware, your ash will one day be beauty.
"Redemption"... Redeemer, Jesus, have your way with me.

Seeing Wonder

The cool , almost-autumn breeze seemed to sweep us along as we meandered through the woods. My youngest son and I were enjoying a walk together. Step by step, I found myself humbled by the teachings the Lord had in store for me.
"Let's play a game!" Eli shouted. Eli loves to make up unique games, so this was not a suprise. He playfully described the game to me, "Let's look for hidden faces. Look for objects that seem to form a face," as he quickly pointed an already formed face made out of two pebbles, a foot print, and a twig. For the next hour we played this game, finding smiley faces formed by spider webs, clouds, and other pieces of nature's wonder. Eli saw these smiles everywhere he looked. For a moment I stepped back, and I stopped my search. I watched him, as he ran from place to place explaining the faces to me. He pointed out acorns and pinecones placed in just the right positions. I would sqwat next to him as he held up a pebble against the back drop of the sky. He perfectly positioned his pebble, in the middle of two puffy clouded eyes, just above a branch, forming a long grin!
I soon realized that amongst our gigles and silliness was a little bit of wisdom. Eli reminded me that sometimes in life we need to look beyond the surface, pause, and look deeply, and sometimes what is there is more than what meets the eye! Secondly, Eli reminded me about perspective. Sometimes we need to take the time to see things from someone else's perspective. This may mean that I need to take the time to sqwat, or I might have to stand on my tip toes! Sometimes seeing something from another's perspective can open us up to a whole new world! Sometimes we can even see that maybe we were holding onto our perspective as the only perspective to be had. Sometimes, we need to step back, and be okay with not finding the perfect shapes in the clouds, while resting assured there is one who formed and knows every cloud and how it fits! Lastly, Eli reminded me to be alert and ready! Often times out of the mouths of babes, and out of the least suspecting, come lessons to be learned and wisdom to be gleaned! Be slow to dismiss another as a teacher, we just might be suprised who God uses in our lives! Thank you Lord for little ones with great faith!

Bulges and Grace

The other day I was thumbing through my mail and I came upon an add for "Miracle Underwear." The add stated: "Are you like the millions who believe in the power of magnets? Then you will know the power of 'Miracle Magnetic Underwear'... (I am not making this up!)...Underwear that slims your deriere. Underwear that hides those unslightly bulges. Do you want to appear slimmer? Then you will want 'Miracle Magnetic Underwear.'"
The kids and I giggled at the ridiculousness of the add. Of course my boys jumped on the opportunity to make all sorts of little boy jokes! But, it got me thinking. Far too often I have wanted the appearance of something versus the actual thing. I have wanted to "hide my bulges" and look a certain way to others. A way that presents myself as one without any bulges, or at least with less bulges than what I have. Am I fooled to think hiding "bulges" gets rid of bulges, or that noone else has "bulges"??
Okay, don't get lost in the "bulges"... what I really mean is, how often do we settle on an appearance of a good thing, without having the real deal? Longings are never truly satisfied when we resort to mere appearances and images. Longings are never satisfied when I hide. An image of godliness will never satisfy my soul's longing for redemption, relationship, security, significance!
When my children were young, my husband and I were involved in full time ministry. In my insecurity, I often caved in to the belief that my family needed to appear all together. I probably wouldn't have admitted this. In fact I probably would have insisted that we were transparent. Honestly, I wanted people to see me and my family as put together, doing things right, and well. We all have different images that we attempt to convey: orderly, fun-loving, calm, intellectual, insightful, organized, competent... you name it! We all hope to put our best foot forward and be received and loved. We all dislike (even fear) rejection.
I am learning more and more that what I really long for is not the image and the approval of others, but it is a heart and life that is being changed by an intimate relationship with Jesus, and His incarnate presence in the lives of others. The deal is, we can't do this alone. We can adapt our image. We can refine it and adjust it...but we cannot change our hearts and souls.
In ourselves we cannot provide what we truly long for. We need others to be grace to us. We need others to be like Jesus, willing to see our "bulges" in light of redemption, knowing He who began the good work in us, continues to shape and mold us! We need the experience of being grace to others. Frankly, as long as we hide our "bulges," and as long as we expect others to hide their "bulges," we starve ourselves from ever being satisfied. We were made to taste grace (though Jesus and others) and to be an aroma of grace to others.
So, "bulges" and all, here we are, remembering, there is one working in us and changing us more than skin deep, strengthening us beyond our fears, and moving us to shed our veneers! So tell me, why settle for anything less? Keep the magnets for the fridge!
Thanks nameless advertising company for reminding me of bigger, better, and "bulgier" things!

"Unfriending" Fear

Fear.

She betrays me over and over again, yet for whatever reason I treat her as a friend.

Her "what if's" distract me.

Her presence has brought familiarity ... a known in the face of uncertainty.

A warped sense of security?

Fear ... and me.

Together, we have crafted masks of posing and cloaks of hiding.

Together, we have danced a motionless dance of paralysis, and sung songs of voicelessness.

Fear.

Her chants and jingles are mantras of "have to's," "oughts," and "musts."

Like old melodies rehearsed over and over again, their meaning fades from my attention, yet

all the more they impact me.

Fear.

Her words become my mission, they justify my cause:

"Play it safe!"

"Trust noone!"

Life with fear ... is not life at all.

Perfect Love.

The enemy to Fear.

Fear dreads Perfect Love, she avoids Him all together.

Perfect Love banishes Fear.

Perfect Love will not entertain Fear's antics.

Perfect Love will not give a moments time to her lies.

Perfect Love knows who Fear really is, and with Perfect Love ... there is no room for Fear.

So while I entertain Fear, simply because she is familiar... Perfect Love waits to come in.

Perhaps it is time to "unfriend" Fear, and make more room and time for more Perfect Love?

It is time to invite Perfect Love in ... again and again.

Oh, and by the way... I think I might do the same with Worry...she's been stabbing me in the

back lately.

A Woman's Desperation

I don't think I have ever met a woman that is not desperate. I don't mean the desperation that we feel because of circumstances, or because of the wounds that we have self-induced, or that have been inflicted by the will of others. It is a desperation that runs much deeper. It is the desperation of the soul. The poverty and brokenness of the soul that when examined deeply reveals the etchings of eternity.
Most of us are unaware of our desperation until God's grace allows us to awaken to its existance, and even then His grace gives us only a glimpse. This is a most scary leg of the journey at first. It is that place in which our good deeds and spiritual images seem to run shallow, veneering compulsions to pursue attention, admiration, and value. How is it this comes as such a suprise to one who knows "All have sinned"? Is it possible that somewhere along the way of this "critical journey" we are betrayed by our own thoughts and feelings? Is it possible that in our state of salvation we become arrogantly blind to our ongoing need for repentance and dependence upon Christ? Those who are competent and self-reliant are at greatest risk. We become fooled by our own capabilities, and blind to our own capacity to sin. Worse we forget the sweet taste of grace and mercy that we need for sustanance. We forget that we have been loved. We forget that we are loved.
We are desperate, no matter if we are aware or not. The real dilemma is not in the shame of the desperation, which many of us have learned. But, the real dilemma is where we take our desperation with futile hopes of it being satisfied, or at least alleviated.
How we must remember, our woundedness has been met with the kiss of mercy through Jesus. Only in the intimacy of His embrace, moment by moment, can our hopeless desperation have hope, and in this hope we can be secure. Thus, our desperation can be invited out of its hiding. We can celebrate our desperation and snicker at old ways of victimhood. We can allow Jesus to meet our desperation with a kiss of mercy over and over again, and perhaps be changed all of the more, and once again know we are loved.

Little Thoughts on Bigger Things (James 2: 1-13)

Dear Ones, as believers of our glourisous Lord Jesus Christ, don't play the games of the world, following the rules of the world, showing favortism to some, and prejudice to others. This way is not the way you were intended to live. This is the natural way, the usual way, but not the way of Christ. You are not to rate and grade humans, as though some are more valuable than others. Don't show favortism to those who benefit you (the rich, the powerful, pretty, popular, prestigious). Don't use people as soul-less objects, extending a shallow favortism to those who make you feel good, or make you look good. People are not a commodity used for your agenda! This favortism is really all about you. You are drawn to certain people, people just like you. You are drawn to putting "you" first by relating only in your comfort zone. Your favortism is no more than self promotion. When you favor some over others you are putting your own interests, wants, and reputation over the way of love! Life becomes all about you! Come now, let us be honest. You know the people that you are drawn to, the people you hope to impress and please. You know what you are seeking to gain by favoring these people catering to their wants and ways.



What about the others? What about those who irritate you? Repulse you? What about those who are messy? What about the immigrant or the mentally illed? What about the addict? How do you treat them? Do you treat them one way when noone is looking, and another way when others might see? Do you treat them one way when you can "serve" them as some hero, and impose your ways upon them? How would you treat them if they moved in next to you? How do you treat them when your child plays with their children? How do you treat them when they need a friend? Is it loving to place people as "less than" because they look different, speak different, believe different, or come from across the boarder? You with hold from these people, and strip them of dignity with your imposing preferences and laws, with your pity. You insulate your own self interests with your ways, and you distance yourself from your own poverty.



What is this game? These rules? This way of relating? This is not the way of love. Listen, you have things all mixed up! This way of putting the self first by self promoting or self protecting. This is not the way of Christ! God has chosen those who the world considers impoverished: the foreigner, the outcast, the marginalized, the disposable, the unwanted. He has chosen these people to be His. Don't you see, you who have been chosen? You were once poor, thus He chose you! Remember your poverty and your desperation for Jesus. Remember, we are now rich becasue of the lavishing love of Jesus! Remember, you are still desperate for Jesus!



You are getting caught up in the wrong things! You have forgotten the grace that Jesus has given you! You are playing the games of the world! Remember, "love your neighbor as yourself"! This is the way of life. You once impoverished, have been made rich because of Jesus! Out of this generous gift, you can love others! You, have been changed and filled with all sort of riches rooted in the love of the Father. Extend this love that has satisfied your poverty, to the impoverished lives of others. This is the way of love, a way rooted and sustained in Jesus, His grace and love for you. This is loving deeply, beyond shallow and flippant "acts of kindness." Christ in you. Christ through you. Taste deeply of the mercy you have been extended through Christ, and allow this mercy to move and motivate you to be merciful to the poor, just as mercy, grace and love have been and continue to be extended to you.

Father God's love letter with lyrics

The Wilderness (pt. 1)

I love the beauties of nature: rainbows, fields of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, waterfalls, fresh green grass…but I just don’t like the wilderness.

Three months into marriage, my husband and I became “House Parents at a wilderness work camp in the deep woods of Ontario, Canada. Yes, the wilderness…with all of its beauty and wonder… and with all of its mosquitoes, black flies, black bears, and that which I am most afraid of…the field mouse. Augh. The wilderness.

When it comes to the wilderness…times of trials, darkness, loneliness, struggle, temptations…well, I don’t really like this kind of wilderness either. But, probably like most of you, I have had wilderness times throughout my life.

Several years ago I entered one of these wilderness times. I had been a follower of Jesus for a long time. I had trusted Jesus when I was six years old, however, many parts of my childhood, had never been talked about. My sense of identity was rooted mostly in my childhood relationships and their messages established early in life. A fear of abandonment taunted me even as a woman. The shame poisoned my sense of identity, with lingering messages such as: “you are too much” or “you will never be enough.” My view of God was severely tainted. Instead of a loving and gentle Father, I believed God to be harsh, distant, and demanding, and I the daughter who was never enough. Bitterness, even hatred loomed deep inside me, and seemed justifiable, yet I covered it with mask upon mask, and hoped that eventually I would be more than “saved from hell,” but also free. I did more. I served more. I pushed myself to be all that I could be as a wife, a mother, and a Christ follower. Then I entered the wilderness.

What has helped you press into your Father and root into His love during "Wilderness" times? Or perhaps you are seeking some encouragement because you find yourself in one of those times now. If so, the next couple of blogs I hope to share some of the things that helped me!

Looking forward to it! Blessings dear ones!

Hope

Have you ever found yourself asking "Why?" or "Why me?" This little phrase has been one I have uttered, shouted, and cried far too many times. Of course this phrase doesn't usually come to my lips at times of great undeserved grace or blessing. It doesn't come to mind when I am granted forgiveness or lavished with love. No, but it does arrive at times of pain, disappointment, and struggle. It seems such times are its stage. When the stage is set the little words dance and taunt me into doubt and disbelief. Have you ever been there?

When we first moved for my husband to begin attending seminary, we were filled with excitement and anticipation. We had sold most of our things, said good bye to dear friends, and were ready to walk the road of adventure. The first several months we found ourselves "jobless." My husband applied endlessly, day after day, only to receive rejection after rejection. While sitting in the office of the Department of Social Services, waiting for hours to apply for assistance, I asked "Why?" I was confused by "the Lord's lack of provision" and the perceived penalization for serving Him. It just didn't make sense to me. I was always taught, or at least believed, obedience leads to blessing. This was not blessing! I wrestled with feeling inadequate and forgotten. The voices of my childhood that condemned and shamed government assistance came to the forefront of my mind, and I found myself quicly sliding into a pit of hopelessness.

Years later, my perspective has changed to be a little clearer. Even that place of struggle was where I was meant to be, and within the struggle was a greater work happening, a work of freedom and redemption. Just as a dear brother once said, instead of "Why?" maybe there is a different question to be asked..."What? What is it you want to teach me Lord? What is it you want to do in me? Through me?" Slowly I am learning, indeed my God uses all things and where I am is no mere accident. Those things that most came to mind during that season were long lasting lies, even generational lies. That "desert time" drew out and exposed beliefs from the deeper parts of my heart and mind, beliefs that enslaved me.

Dear sisters I Pray that even "here", wherever "here" is, you, dear sister might find peace and comfort in the knowing our Father is not about to drop you, has not forgotten you, nor is too busy...but even in "this", He is working a good work in you.
Blessings.

God's whisper to Self-Hate

As a little girl I often prayed a prayer that went something like this: "God, please make people see me different from who I am." I prayed this prayer because I wanted to be seen and known by people, but I did not want people to see and know me as I knew myself. I saw myself as "bad." I believed I was defined by what others had spoken over me, or by their silence. I believed that the lack of affection and blessing I experienced was because of my lack of, or my too much-ness, or my not enough. I interpreted myself to be unwanted, disposable, defective, and at fault for the actions of others. My self-perception fueled my self-hate. God did answer my prayer, but not as I anticipated. He did give eyes to others to see me differently. Eyes to see me not as I saw, but to see me as He sees me.

How do you see yourself Beloved? Is your view true? When did you first learn these things?

We all carry messages and voices of the past within our minds and our hearts. No matter how long they have been around; no matter how often we have rehearsed them; and no matter how much they have been reinforced by others or circumstances ... many of these messages are lies. They speak about you ... but they are not true. Many of those voices are not the voice of our Father.

Who does your Father say you are? Not your earthly father... no, your Father who sees your heart and truly knows you.

Dear Daughter of Eve,
I have ransomed you because you are a treasure. I paid the the demand in full and beyond. I have made the way to unleash you from all that imprisoned you. All that you once owed ... I paid. I paid for the past, the present, and that which is to come. I stepped in and served your sentence for all that brought you guilt, so that you might be free. All that has been credited to me is yours. No longer are you a slave, desperate to pay your debt. No longer are you a slave defined by your debt. You are mine. You are my daughter and I, your Daddy. Your soul is clothed in the lace of a bride, pure and clean. Your body is like a temple, the place I have swept clean so that I might live. Within you I live and I continue my masterpiece upon your soul, heart, and mind not because of you, but because I am faithful. And because of who I am, you are full of power and strength. Yes, even in your weakness, I am there, ready to reveal a beauty beyond imagination ... my glory in you and through you.

Beloved, I am your Father who sees you, and knows your true name. I am your Father who formed you and delights in you. I formed you so that I might love on you and that you might know me more and more. I knit you together with dreams in mind, puposes of beauty and life. I do not change my mind when you are weak, trip, fall, or doubt. No, I am faithful, even if you are not. I wait for you. I pursue you. I knock again and again. I will not hide from you. I will not shame and condemn you. I long for you to be free and to be with me as I am with you.

I first loved you and I will love you first again and again.
Your Father.

A Big 2x4 and a Little Dust

He was a religious man. He could debate with the best of them! I guess today you would compare him to one who had been raised in a good ol fashioned church going family. He had been fed well because he was over flowing with knowledge on religious matters. He was the kind of guy that others might find intimidating. You know what I mean...the kind that just seems to have it together, and always gets the job done ... and done shiny and well. The kind of guy you kind of hate, but secretly (not that this author can relate) sometimes wish could be you. Anyhow this man seemed really good at noticing the faults and struggles of others. Every time someone would trip ... he was the first to see! Nothing got past him! He would notice, judge and shame. Another man, who was quite ordinary appearing, yet quite extrodinary, in fact Divine in human form, took opportunity to shed a little bit of light on this man's quandry, a simple illustration: a 2x4 (plank) and dust. He told this man that before he could dig out the little speck of dust out of the eye of another, it was critical to first get the plank out of his own. Now what in the world was the teacher talking about, and can we relate?

One season, a season of healing, this story hit me fresh and new. (That's just how the Spirit works...encounter Him with His word...He's unstoppable!) I inventoried all of the ways I had been loved poorly by others. I was noticing all of the ways that I had been disregarded and wounded. All of these events seemed so potent and defining to me. I rehearsed alot of these events. I rehearsed their messages about me, others, and God. The grief journey (much needed) ushered me into the journey of personal "plank" discovery. The "wounds" of my life seemed to be perfect reason to blame and rationalize. Yes, I said it, the collection of specks (wounding actions of others) seemed great enough to justify my plank, and from my perspective my plank was the speck! I was quite convinced that my plank would not even exist if it weren't for everyone else acting according to their specks! The truth cut past my veneer of victimhood, and deeply penetrated into my soul, me--a woman ... my plank existed, and it ran deep. It impaired my vision on how I saw life, people, myself, and God, and I lived as though I had no choice about my plank! The truth is, even if we blame our planks on others...they are still there, and honestly even if we would have been loved perfectly... we still would have some kind of plank (remember our distant mother Eve? She was loved perfectly!)
Can you imagine a plank in your eye...really? How would you do anything? Sisters, how we need to stop the charades and admit our planks. How we need to be free from the secret justifications (aka blame) for our planks. Sisters how we need our planks removed so that we might see ... with truth. A dear person wisely suggested to me on this matter, "Perhaps it is not merely you who takes out the plank ... perhaps your plank is being dissolved, little by little, by the work of Jesus in you." Wait! We have planks, we need them removed, but we cannot remove them on our own?? What hope we have ... there is one who is more devoted to removing our planks!

Sisters, remember your first love ... He who has seen and known your plank all along, and loved you even still. Remember your first love who allured you to repentance with kindness, instead of shame and condemnation. Remember your first love, He who awakened you from your deadened state of numbing and/or performing. Remember your first love, He who initiated, called, and waited, and waited for you. Yes, your first love. Here's to a day to noticing our first love's work in us. Let us remember, that as life's circumstances arrive ... none is just by chance ... but each and everyone used in the hand's of our first love to slowly dissolve the plank and restore the vision intended.